Michael Jackson and Robbie Williams!

So it was no real surprise that Blackpool beat Bradford City 3-1 yesterday... and I bet they had a good old sing song on the coach back home to the Lancashire seaside resort... especially when they have both Michael Jackson and Robbie Williams in their side!

Music on Mobile Phones

Is it just me or do the tunes played on mobile phones all sound the same? It's as though there is just the one song available for the mobile. And it's always one you have never ever heard before, an instantly unrecognisable phenomenon. All the same, it sounds all horrible and tinny and appalling. Please ban songs being played on mobile phones.

Top 15 Unintentionally Funny Comic Book Panels

Go here to find out more. Hilarious!

Herschelle Gibbs

So South African batsman Herschelle Gibbs made history this week when he became the first cricketer to hit six sixes in one over in an international match. It happened in St Kitts, West Indies as the South African side annihilated their opponents Holland during the cricket World Cup. Personally I reckon it was an unnecessary exercise in showing off, but that's just my opinion. No doubt that in years to come the trivia question will be who was the bowler when Mr Gibbs created this piece of history... so for your information it was Daan van Bunge. Poor bugger.

Council Complaints

These are genuine clips from council complaint letters...

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21. Pease send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2

Thief Steals Urinal

Police are on the hunt for a thief who stole a urinal from a pub in Hampshire.
The man is thought to have spent 40 minutes removing the white toilet bowl after ordering half a pint at the Royal Oak pub in Southampton.

Full story here.

Super League

Guess what? The Orange website has no coverage of the Super League. Is this because the Super League is based in the north of England? Don't they realise that Harlequins have a Rugby League team as well as a Rugby Union* side? Shame on you, Orange!

* It's okay, I remembered to wash my mouth with soap and water...

Secretaries

As I was reading Making Love: A Conspiracy Of The Heart by Marius Brill I came across a quite ingenious name for a collection of secretaries... 'a qwerty of secretaries'. Isn't that just a brilliant term invented by Mr Brill? If indeed it was invented by him, as it could have been dreamt up by someone else, yet it is the first time that I have come across it, so I shall give all the credit to him. Yes I will!

And speaking of secretaries...

Secretary: Can I use your dictaphone?
Boss: No! Use your finger like everybody else.

Bodies In The Snow

The bodies of a young couple lie in the snow at the entrance of their Moscow apartment block. The man, identified only as Rustam, and his unidentified girlfriend jumped from the top of the 16-storey tower block in the northwest of the Russian capital. Authorities allege that the couple were under the influence of drugs when they took their final walk off the edge. Scary. Click the image for a bigger view.

Lolita

This morning the Boss of the House and I visited our local Lloyd's Bar for a quick breakfast, something we do on a regular basis. There was a different girl behind the counter, a lovely young lass with blonde hair and spectacles, and it was only when I happened to examine the receipt that I found out her name is Lolita. It's the first time in my life that I have ever known anyone to actually bear that Christian name. It got me wondering why her parents chose this for her. I doubt that it was because of the novel by Nabokov; it would be more likely because of the film, and even more likely the 1997 version starring Jeremy Irons than the 1962 one starring James Mason, as they would be too young to recall the original. All the same, a rather unusual name I reckon, and I can imagine all the stick she would have received during her school years; if, that is, her school companions were aware of the significance of the name, which I doubt. Still, it was an enjoyable breakfast. Thank you, Lolita!