Friday, 29 June 2007
Stop Smoking
It's not long now until July 1st when the entire country - at least, the smokers in the country - will succumb to the dreaded new anti-smoking laws. The above NHS directive jumped through my letterbox this week. It seems to be quite an effective method of giving up smoking, the stench in that jar must be horrendous. They already have the law in effect up in Scotland and during my recent visit the thing that struck me most about it was the fact that smokers tended to congregate immediately outside public buildings to have a quick puff of the weed. Each time I left and entered my hotel I had to dive through a wall of smoke, which is not good for a person with asthma. Still, we'll see what the law brings down here in England. Can't wait!
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
Only In Scotland
Only in Scotland... during a recent visit to the laid-back pleasant tiny town called Braemar I happened to visit the gents in the hotel we were staying in and here is what I saw on the wall... whisky-flavoured condoms!
Golly gee... and do you notice it states 'do not drive whilst using this product'...
Saturday, 9 June 2007
W... or vv
In one of the last actions of his ten-year reign Tony Blair is urging everyone in Great Britain to be aware of a chronic shortage of the letter W, owing to its overuse in the creation of websites begining with 'www'.
"It's quite serious," said Noah Vale, Minister of Grammar, in a press conference this week. "There are thousands of websites created here in the UK and more and more springing up every day, all beginning with www. Something has to be done to stop the decline of this age-old letter. We don't want it to end up like another dodo."
The government is urging anyone setting up a new website to use the option of the mere 'http', or to use the letter 'v' together.
"If we don't do this the letter 'w' is in danger of extinction, and will definitely be rationed, like water in hot weather," added Noah Vale.
Tony Blair is also trying to get citizens to decease from using words beginning with 'w', like water, werewolf, weather, wanker, and willie warmer, and wants people such as Edward Woodward and Wee Willie Winkie to change their names by deed poll.
"It's quite serious," said Noah Vale, Minister of Grammar, in a press conference this week. "There are thousands of websites created here in the UK and more and more springing up every day, all beginning with www. Something has to be done to stop the decline of this age-old letter. We don't want it to end up like another dodo."
The government is urging anyone setting up a new website to use the option of the mere 'http', or to use the letter 'v' together.
"If we don't do this the letter 'w' is in danger of extinction, and will definitely be rationed, like water in hot weather," added Noah Vale.
Tony Blair is also trying to get citizens to decease from using words beginning with 'w', like water, werewolf, weather, wanker, and willie warmer, and wants people such as Edward Woodward and Wee Willie Winkie to change their names by deed poll.
Saturday, 2 June 2007
The Dictionary of Advertising
Ad-Dict.com contains an impressive array of still adverts from different parts of the world and covering all kinds of products and services. Some are scary, some are amusing, and some are controversial, yet all of them are very very clever indeed. Take some time to check them out. Wonderful stuff.
Friday, 1 June 2007
This is Emma Speaking speaking...
During an unwanted and unenjoyable ultra-brief stint as a receptionist at my place of work I received a call from a delightfully-sounding young female.
"Hello, this is Emma speaking," she said.
"Hello!" I said. "Would you be related to Sally Speaking at all? She called me earlier on."
"Pardon?"
I repeated that I had received a call from a Sally Speaking earlier on. Funnily enough, this was the second Emma I had spoken to also, the previous one having being named Emma Calling...
"Oh no," said this new Emma, "I'm just telling you that my name is Emma and that I am speaking, as far as I am aware I am not related to Sally Speaking."
"Of course you're speaking, my dear," I told her. "As soon as I heard your voice I could tell you were speaking, so there is no need to inform me of the fact. It's rather like those people who write letters that begin with 'I am writing to you'. Obviously that is what they are doing so why do they feel the need to emphasise the fact?"
"Oh right..."
"The only occasion you would have to tell me that you are speaking is if I were deaf... but then I wouldn't be able to hear you. You could in that case, of course, write a note to let me know that you are speaking. yet I still wouldn't be able to hear what you are saying... unless you wrote down everything that you were saying!"
"If you say so..."
"I do! Anyway, what can I do for you?"
"Okay," she said, "as I told you, my name is Emma. Is this the **** supermarket?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, no it isn't. This is the Ice Rink, Emma."
"Oh dear, wrong number. Sorry!"
"Don't be. Have a lovely day!"
"Goodbye." Click.
I fooled her. This was the **** supermarket!
(With thanks to Beachcomber in the Daily Express)
"Hello, this is Emma speaking," she said.
"Hello!" I said. "Would you be related to Sally Speaking at all? She called me earlier on."
"Pardon?"
I repeated that I had received a call from a Sally Speaking earlier on. Funnily enough, this was the second Emma I had spoken to also, the previous one having being named Emma Calling...
"Oh no," said this new Emma, "I'm just telling you that my name is Emma and that I am speaking, as far as I am aware I am not related to Sally Speaking."
"Of course you're speaking, my dear," I told her. "As soon as I heard your voice I could tell you were speaking, so there is no need to inform me of the fact. It's rather like those people who write letters that begin with 'I am writing to you'. Obviously that is what they are doing so why do they feel the need to emphasise the fact?"
"Oh right..."
"The only occasion you would have to tell me that you are speaking is if I were deaf... but then I wouldn't be able to hear you. You could in that case, of course, write a note to let me know that you are speaking. yet I still wouldn't be able to hear what you are saying... unless you wrote down everything that you were saying!"
"If you say so..."
"I do! Anyway, what can I do for you?"
"Okay," she said, "as I told you, my name is Emma. Is this the **** supermarket?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, no it isn't. This is the Ice Rink, Emma."
"Oh dear, wrong number. Sorry!"
"Don't be. Have a lovely day!"
"Goodbye." Click.
I fooled her. This was the **** supermarket!
(With thanks to Beachcomber in the Daily Express)
Student of the Year
The Boss of the House has recently been awarded the title of Adult Learners Student of the Year 2007 at the adult learning centre she attends. Isn't that fantastic!
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