Emilie De Ravin (from Lost)
Becki Newton (from Ugly Betty)
Brooke Hogan
Ashley Tisdale
Emma Watson
Victoria Pratt (Andrea Battle in Daybreak)
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Cheyenne Kimball
Thursday 26 April 2007
FHM 100 Most Sexiest Women 2007
Here is the full list of the FHM Most Sexiest Women of 2007. (Most Sexiest...?) Although I can't dispute the fact that Jessica Alba is definitely 'most sexy', and that there are some really sexy girls on the list, I can't help wondering why some of these are not included:
Emilie De Ravin (from Lost)
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Emilie De Ravin (from Lost)
Friday 20 April 2007
Boxing For Beginners
GLOVES Keep boxer's hands warm. So far they haven't adopted scarves, although amateurs do wear a kind of balaclava.
WEIGH IN There isn't one. You have to jump over the ropes.
ON THE ROPES You should have jumped higher.
BELL The pub where boxers drink.
ROUND What a boxer buys in the Bell.
RING Calling a boxer in the bell to remind him he has a match.
SPAR Where boxers buy booze if the bell is closed.
QUEENSBURY RULES Written on the Marquis of Queensbury's T-shirt.
TITLE BOUT When a marquis fights a count.
STANDING COUNT Opponent the marquis couldn't knock down.
UPPERCUT When a boxer cuts himself shaving.
CROSS What a boxer gets when he's hit.
RIGHT CROSS What a northern boxer gets when he's hit.
JAB Antibiotic injection necessary if Mike Tyson bites your ear.
THROW IN THE TOWEL Be sick after being hit.
ABA Trying to recite the alphabet after being hit.
WBA Failing.
TKO Even worse. Or Rocky Balboa trying to recite the alphabet before he is hit.
BLUE CORNER Location of a depressed boxer.
RED CORNER Location of a communist boxer.
CANVAS Asking the judges who won.
CONCLUSION All too often, panto.
WEIGH IN There isn't one. You have to jump over the ropes.
ON THE ROPES You should have jumped higher.
BELL The pub where boxers drink.
ROUND What a boxer buys in the Bell.
RING Calling a boxer in the bell to remind him he has a match.
SPAR Where boxers buy booze if the bell is closed.
QUEENSBURY RULES Written on the Marquis of Queensbury's T-shirt.
TITLE BOUT When a marquis fights a count.
STANDING COUNT Opponent the marquis couldn't knock down.
UPPERCUT When a boxer cuts himself shaving.
CROSS What a boxer gets when he's hit.
RIGHT CROSS What a northern boxer gets when he's hit.
JAB Antibiotic injection necessary if Mike Tyson bites your ear.
THROW IN THE TOWEL Be sick after being hit.
ABA Trying to recite the alphabet after being hit.
WBA Failing.
TKO Even worse. Or Rocky Balboa trying to recite the alphabet before he is hit.
BLUE CORNER Location of a depressed boxer.
RED CORNER Location of a communist boxer.
CANVAS Asking the judges who won.
CONCLUSION All too often, panto.
Saturday 14 April 2007
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information:
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.
GEORGE W BUSH: We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
TONY BLAIR: I agree with George.
HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDAD: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
TRICIA: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was an historic inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: eChicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:What is your definition of chicken?
THE BIBLE: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
HOMER SIMPSON: Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n !!!
SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information:
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.
GEORGE W BUSH: We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
TONY BLAIR: I agree with George.
HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDAD: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
TRICIA: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was an historic inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: eChicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:What is your definition of chicken?
THE BIBLE: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
HOMER SIMPSON: Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n !!!
Friday 13 April 2007
Hermione Without Pants!
Continuing the unintentional Harry Potter references, here is Hermione as you have never seen her in the past... without pants! This is part of the quite funny Where Are my Pants? contests at the Worth1000 site. Cute bum, Hermione!
Sunday 8 April 2007
Wig!
In the process of searching the interweb for a brand new non-detectable toupee to wear in case some politician requires me to remove my niqab... and to also hide my increasing bald patch and to stop people from calling me 'Sven-Goran'... I discovered the Wig Shop. Okay, the wigs here all seem to be for the female persuasion, but upon finding the site I was instantly engrossed in it. Not only does it include some spellbindingly superb head coverings but just take a look at the dolls that are modeling them. Are they not incredibly lifelike? Do they not spring to life when you gaze at them for long enough? Don't they mesmerise you as you stare into those amazing eyes? Or am I talking out of my behind... as usual.
Drive Through ATM's
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Saturday 7 April 2007
Celebrity Aliens
I came across this quite amusing website whilst aimlessly browsing this evening... I certainly do lead a full and exciting existence, especially on a Saturday night! As you may have already guessed, it's a site containing an array of images, namely famous people with their features altered to resemble aliens. Browsing the galleries is a real treat, the images are well done, although all appear to adhere to the formula of big heads, big eyes, and small chins and mouths. Here you can see Harry Potter and Hermione (spelt 'Hermiona' at the site). Go here and take a look, the galleries are amazing.
Table Soccer Streaker
It has been many years since I was a member of a Subbuteo soccer league, and I remember not too fondly that I was quite hopeless, I seemed to lose every game I played by at least 4-0. Although the only items I bought myself were the actual players, I was aware that people could buy floodlights, stands, and more stuff as accessories for their individual Subbuteo set up. Now imagine how shocked I was to discover that nowadays you can purchase for your table soccer delights actual streakers, both male and female, designed to interrupt your miniature football pleasures. If you don't believe me follow this link!
F*rting Herring
Watching the Animal Planet channel recently I saw a feature on herring, in which it was claimed that they deliberately 'break wind' in the water in order to communicate. Note that I remember from my schooldays that the plural of herring is indeed herring! So these emissions from behind are known in the science world as Fast Repetitive Ticks, FRT's for short. Surely not! This has got to be some kind of April fool! However, upon reading this article and a few more I discovered on the web, this claim has just got to be truthful.
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